Danica, Danica, oh what a dame
She does enough drugs to put Hilton to shame.
She steals and she lies,
And boy, does she cry,
Guess that's the deal with the clinically insane.
I just found out some hard truths today about a now former employee. I gave her so many opportunities, treated her with respect at all times...more like family. I'm kind of stunned, to be honest. Not too stunned to write a quick, nasty ode, of course. ;) Not my finest work, ha, but darn...I do feel a little bit better after finding out I've been stolen from for the better part of a year. Off to drink some stress-relieving tea. Luckily, my husband is the voice of reason, and my loser ex-employee is lucky. Were he not in the picture, I'd march myself over to her drug hole and...well, I guess I'd better not put it in writing. Back to my tea I go, I go. Thaaaat's all, folks!
Sunday, 15 May 2011
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Tasty Tea?
Sigh. I'm so grossed out. Yesterday the sun came out, and with it came the quirky patchouli-smelling people. Well, one person, really. And she came to, of course, the tea house! When the patchouli scent precedes the person, you're certainly in for something.
First off, I was completely weirded out because this lady, pleasant enough in speech, wouldn't make eye contact. Hello, hello! I'm over here! You know when you're a kid in grade 6 and you have to deliver your first big speech to a gymnasium-filled audience on the perils of global warming? You know when your teacher coaches you to stare at the forehead of someone to make it SEEM you're making eye contact? That's crap. And that's what this woman was doing. I spent the first five minutes of our interaction thinking I must have a piece of food stuck to my head. Her random fits of nervous giggles didn't help either. Anyway, she wanted a citrus-flavoured yerba mate tea. Okay, we're getting somewhere! I have that! I lead her to our yerba mate section and open up the sniff tin for her to take in the scent of the tea. Because this particular blend contains lemongrass, I explained that it'd be a little more difficult to catch the smell because lemongrass really releases its aroma in water. More nervous giggles. Less and less eye contact. It is critical I share something with you about our sniff tins. By the calendar, we change the teas once every three weeks to ensure the smell remains fresh for the sniffing pleasure of our customers' noses. That said, those sniff tins meet a LOT of noses. Some are little and pretty. Some are old and warty. Others have hair. Some are infested with snot...a LOT are infested with snot. Some noses stay far away from the tin, others get right in there. If sniff tins could type, they'd be writing this blog, not I. Moving forward. I leave my customer with sniff tin in hand and turn my back to walk back to the cash desk. Nervous giggles ensue.
Customer: "Oh yes, I can taste the lemongrass."
Munch, munch.
I spin around at turbospeed....could it be? Could she be..... Ohhhhh noooooooo (this rang through my head in slow motion like the movies)....she's EATING the teaaaaa! FROM THE SNIFF TIN!!!!!!
I couldn't save her. It was too late. She ate the tea from my sniff tin. Will she live? Does she not know what noses have gone before her? Wait, do I CHARGE her? (kidding on that one)....
In the end, the tea-eating sealed the sale...she bought tea and left with her patchouli-scented self. Hopefully she's somewhere with yerba mate in hand, not making eye contact, and enjoying this lovely Mother's Day (if she wasn't poisoned, because then that's not a very nice Mother's Day at all).
First off, I was completely weirded out because this lady, pleasant enough in speech, wouldn't make eye contact. Hello, hello! I'm over here! You know when you're a kid in grade 6 and you have to deliver your first big speech to a gymnasium-filled audience on the perils of global warming? You know when your teacher coaches you to stare at the forehead of someone to make it SEEM you're making eye contact? That's crap. And that's what this woman was doing. I spent the first five minutes of our interaction thinking I must have a piece of food stuck to my head. Her random fits of nervous giggles didn't help either. Anyway, she wanted a citrus-flavoured yerba mate tea. Okay, we're getting somewhere! I have that! I lead her to our yerba mate section and open up the sniff tin for her to take in the scent of the tea. Because this particular blend contains lemongrass, I explained that it'd be a little more difficult to catch the smell because lemongrass really releases its aroma in water. More nervous giggles. Less and less eye contact. It is critical I share something with you about our sniff tins. By the calendar, we change the teas once every three weeks to ensure the smell remains fresh for the sniffing pleasure of our customers' noses. That said, those sniff tins meet a LOT of noses. Some are little and pretty. Some are old and warty. Others have hair. Some are infested with snot...a LOT are infested with snot. Some noses stay far away from the tin, others get right in there. If sniff tins could type, they'd be writing this blog, not I. Moving forward. I leave my customer with sniff tin in hand and turn my back to walk back to the cash desk. Nervous giggles ensue.
Customer: "Oh yes, I can taste the lemongrass."
Munch, munch.
I spin around at turbospeed....could it be? Could she be..... Ohhhhh noooooooo (this rang through my head in slow motion like the movies)....she's EATING the teaaaaa! FROM THE SNIFF TIN!!!!!!
I couldn't save her. It was too late. She ate the tea from my sniff tin. Will she live? Does she not know what noses have gone before her? Wait, do I CHARGE her? (kidding on that one)....
In the end, the tea-eating sealed the sale...she bought tea and left with her patchouli-scented self. Hopefully she's somewhere with yerba mate in hand, not making eye contact, and enjoying this lovely Mother's Day (if she wasn't poisoned, because then that's not a very nice Mother's Day at all).
Friday, 6 May 2011
To Steal or Not to Steal, That IS the Question...
Mornings are my thing. I get to the shop and before you know it, I have that kettle whistling like an excited high school football coach. I get my tea made, music playing and the day is off to a great start....until yesterday. See, my morning was different yesterday...and I'm still left a little befuddled.
Enter unknown-to-me customer:
Me: "Good Morning! How can I help you?"
Customer: "I'd like to return this tea spoon".
*awkward pause....a spoon? Really?*
Me: "Oh? Is there something wrong with it?"
Customer: "No. I stole it."
*awkward pause # 2*
Me: "You STOLE it?"
Customer: "Yes, I stole it."
*awkard pause # 3*
Me: "Oh. Uh. Do I thank you? I don't really know what to do here."
As it turns out, this customer came in on a day when one of my staff was working. She felt that she'd been overcharged on her bill, and apparently took matters into her own hands; an eye for an eye type thing, I guess. However, upon returning home and reviewing her bill, she realized she WASN'T overcharged, afterall. Hence, the returning of said spoon.
Me: "While I feel it is important to acknowledge your, er, honesty, I feel it important to voice that I generally frown upon shoplifting. You are welcome back any time but perhaps in the future should you have any questions about your bill, you could just ask?"
Customer: "Ok. Can I get a cup of tea to go?"
Me: "Uh. Yes - what'll it be?"
WTF?! What just happened here? I may not have a PhD (or a Masters or even an undgrad degree) in Psychology, but I think it suffices to say this isn't normal?! WHO DID THIS WOMAN WRONG?! While she left happily after her act of contrition, tea in hand, I was left....confused. Anyway, the tea spoon is home among its tea spoon family, she can sleep at night, and I have something to write about. It's a strange world, but it works. 'Night, folks.
Enter unknown-to-me customer:
Me: "Good Morning! How can I help you?"
Customer: "I'd like to return this tea spoon".
*awkward pause....a spoon? Really?*
Me: "Oh? Is there something wrong with it?"
Customer: "No. I stole it."
*awkward pause # 2*
Me: "You STOLE it?"
Customer: "Yes, I stole it."
*awkard pause # 3*
Me: "Oh. Uh. Do I thank you? I don't really know what to do here."
As it turns out, this customer came in on a day when one of my staff was working. She felt that she'd been overcharged on her bill, and apparently took matters into her own hands; an eye for an eye type thing, I guess. However, upon returning home and reviewing her bill, she realized she WASN'T overcharged, afterall. Hence, the returning of said spoon.
Me: "While I feel it is important to acknowledge your, er, honesty, I feel it important to voice that I generally frown upon shoplifting. You are welcome back any time but perhaps in the future should you have any questions about your bill, you could just ask?"
Customer: "Ok. Can I get a cup of tea to go?"
Me: "Uh. Yes - what'll it be?"
WTF?! What just happened here? I may not have a PhD (or a Masters or even an undgrad degree) in Psychology, but I think it suffices to say this isn't normal?! WHO DID THIS WOMAN WRONG?! While she left happily after her act of contrition, tea in hand, I was left....confused. Anyway, the tea spoon is home among its tea spoon family, she can sleep at night, and I have something to write about. It's a strange world, but it works. 'Night, folks.
Ask and ye shall receive...
Ok, so for what seems an eternity now, my friends have been BEGGING me to start a blog about my tea house adventures. Warning: while I am rather well-versed in all matters tea-related, this blog will have little, if anything, to do with actual tea. Instead, it is my intent to introduce you to the tapestry of characters that waltz through my doors on a regular basis. We shall laugh, we shall cry...blah, blah.
First, allow me to set the stage: my shop is 500 square-feet. For those dimensionally-challenged people, that's SMALL. My walls are lined, floor to ceiling, with teas from around the world. What a cultural mosaic! Hmpf. This ecclectic mix of teas doesn't hold a CANDLE to the mix of people that walk through my doors. I only have one door...no escape route. That's important to note.
Some days I'm a go-getter business owner. Other days, apparently, I'm a psychologist...and still other times I'm a full-fledged medical doctor. I never cease to amaze myself! Welcome to my little blog of big tales. May you enjoy the people that make my shop what it is - eccentric!
PS - If you are offended by political incorrectness, this blog isn't for you - I'm tellin' it as it happens...and one thing I know for certain: I have no control over the people around me! You've been duly warned.
First, allow me to set the stage: my shop is 500 square-feet. For those dimensionally-challenged people, that's SMALL. My walls are lined, floor to ceiling, with teas from around the world. What a cultural mosaic! Hmpf. This ecclectic mix of teas doesn't hold a CANDLE to the mix of people that walk through my doors. I only have one door...no escape route. That's important to note.
Some days I'm a go-getter business owner. Other days, apparently, I'm a psychologist...and still other times I'm a full-fledged medical doctor. I never cease to amaze myself! Welcome to my little blog of big tales. May you enjoy the people that make my shop what it is - eccentric!
PS - If you are offended by political incorrectness, this blog isn't for you - I'm tellin' it as it happens...and one thing I know for certain: I have no control over the people around me! You've been duly warned.
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